Mom guilt. It’s the self-condemnation that plagues us as we blame ourselves for every wrong we’ve committed, and for the faults we perceive in our children, whether authentic or imaginary. If you’re a mom, then you know what it feels like. But we don’t have to feel condemned for our performance as a mother. It’s time to squash the mom guilt.
Squash the Mom Guilt
There are so many pressures on moms. Some are from our society, but some are self-inflicted. We often have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and with all the choices in parenting, it’s easy to second-guess yourself, because what if it’s the wrong one and sends our child down a path of destruction?! Choices like:
- Homeschool (videos, online, or workbooks?)/ Private school (Christian or Secular?)/ Public school
- SAHM / WAHM / WOHM
- Single mom / divorced mom / married mom
- Organic only/vegan / clean eating / fast food
- Sports/academics / Scouts/music / no extra-curricular
The opportunities for mom guilt to arise are endless!
I know in my own life my chronic back pain has been a tremendous source of mom guilt for me. I just can’t do the tasks that I used to, so my kids have to take up the slack.
Releasing the Pressure of Mom Guilt
Being a mom is a weighty task and not one to be taken lightly. But can I just take some pressure off of you right now? You don’t have to do it perfectly!
Honestly, there is absolutely zero chance that you will.
If perfection is your mark, you’re setting yourself up for failure and asking for mom guilt. It’s impossible to parent perfectly because no one is perfect. We’re all sinners, and we are going to make mistakes.
We’ll lose our cool and shout at our kids, or tuck them in without a bedtime story so we can get some peace and quiet already. Or we’ll forget about their sack lunch for the field trip, or miss that soccer game… these things happen. To everyone.
No matter how you feel, or what Satan says, you’re not the worst mom in the world! Share on X
Comparison brings Condemnation
Sometimes mom guilt hits us when we blame ourselves for our child’s behavior. Picture a crowded grocery store, all eyes on you as your toddler screams at the top of his or her precious little lungs because of your audacity to tell them no, they could not have that candy/cereal/cookies/ice cream. (How dare you?!)
With rosy hot cheeks and an earnest desire to flee the scene, you begin to blame yourself. The inner dialogue begins, and mom guilt weighs heavy upon you. “If you would’ve waited until after naptime to shop… What would a little piece of candy hurt anyway? Did you really have to stand your ground on that? You have got to do a better job of disciplining! That mom over there has such well-behaved kids, you’re such a failure!”
Fast forward 20 years. You’re at the police station bailing your kid out of jail again. This time it was drugs, the last time it was unpaid speeding tickets. You were a virtuous mama; you raised him in the word and held onto Proverbs 22:6 for dear life, but he still hasn’t surrendered his life to Jesus. With a heavy heart and tears in your eyes, you think, “where did I go wrong?”.
The ladies in your Bible study group love to talk about their kids who have gone on to be missionaries or pastors, but you remain silent about yours because it’s just too shameful.
But who do you blame? Is it your child with a sin nature and a free will who is accountable to God for their choices? Or do you recount every last mistake you ever made with them and blame yourself? Mom guilt strikes again.
Conviction Brings Correction
Proverbs 22:6 KJV ~ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
This is a principle, not a promise.
Some children have a strong will, deep-rooted rebellion, and have to learn things the hard way, like the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Others will hear, obey, and follow Jesus with all of their hearts.
Our job as mothers is to love them and train them up in the ways of the Lord, and leave the rest up to God. His goodness will lead them to repentance and faith (Romans 2:4). The Lord changes their heart, mind, and will, we can’t.
God loves them even more than us, so we have to commit them to His perfect care.
There is No Condemnation in Christ
Romans 8:1 KJV ~ There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Jesus paid the penalty for all of our sins on the cross. We are forgiven, righteous, and holy in the sight of our just Judge. There is no condemnation in Christ, only conviction to bring about correction to conform us to Christ-likeness.
Instead of condemning ourselves, we must repent, when
- We fail to be loving, patient, and kind.
- We neglect to teach and train our children in the way and word of God.
- Our motherhood doesn’t match our manual.
Rest in His Love and Rely on His Spirit to Kick the Mom Guilt
A godly mom is one who admits her weaknesses and solely depends on Christ- every minute, every hour, every day, with every child. She rests in His love for her and relies on His Spirit to work through her.
Ladies, let’s throw away the cookie-cutter mom mold and stop comparing ourselves to each other. Let’s stop trying to live up to standards set by others or the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves or our children.
Let’s just stick to the standards set by God and pray like crazy for the souls that have been entrusted to us.
Squash the mom guilt and shine by His grace. Share on X(This article was originally written by Annie McGuire for Virtuous Mama Ministries, whose website is now offline.)
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For more articles on motherhood:
3 Extremes to Avoid in Motherhood
Raising Godly Boys: Guest post for Intentional in Life
Experiencing the Extraordinary: Intentionally investing in my kids
6 Ways to Intentionally Invest in Your Children
The Legacy I Leave Today ~ A Poem for Mothers
The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Received
The Secret to Living the Abundant Life
Pray With Confidence
If you would like to grow in your prayer life, then check out Pray with Confidence. It’s a website for helping women overcome prayer obstacles, and I am one of the regular contributors. Here are a few links I think will be a blessing to you:
3 Short Prayers for Spiritual Stability
19 Bible Verses that Reveal the Will of God
15 Bible Verses About Rest When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed
You also want to check out the prayer resources, Bible verses, and tough questions tabs. There are many great options to boost your spiritual growth!
Loved the article. I tried to comment but it “blocked as suspected bot.” Anyhow:
I am forever critical of myself and all the moments I am missing with my children. Thank you for revealing the true source of the guilt that plagues me. #HisGraceGirls
I’m so glad this article ministered grace to your heart and peace of mind! Praying you can be free from the chains of guilt for good and truly relish in the love, forgiveness, and grace of God. Blessings to ya! 😊
Such an encouraging article Annie!! Thank you so much! ” No matter how you feel, or what Satan says, you’re not the worst mom in the world!”
Praise the Lord, I’m glad it was a blessing to ya! Thanks for taking the time to read and give feedback, I appreciate it! 🙂
I’ve had a lot of Mom guilt! It is worse than any other guilt I’ve ever felt. 😒
I know! We are SO hard on ourselves.