Twenty years ago I married my best friend. We were young and in love, thinking we would complete each other, and live happily ever after. Reality quickly set in as we realized how different we are in some ways, but how similar we are in our stubbornness and strong wills.
It was ten rough years of marriage before we surrendered to Christ and His will for our life. That’s when Jesus began to sanctify us individually and as a couple. We had faithful men and women who invested biblical principles into our lives, who modeled godliness for us, and prayed diligently for us.
As we learned and applied the reason for marriage, our roles, and the result of a biblical marriage, our marriage was transformed.
Lots of people go into marriage like we did with high expectations of perfect wedded bliss all of our days. They look to their spouse to meet their needs and end up sucking the life out of each other. That’s why it’s important to know what the Bible says about marriage before going into it.
My husband is a pastor now and we both enjoy investing truth into couples who are preparing to enter into a marriage covenant. Together we teach these 3 Basics for a Biblical Marriage: The reason, the roles, and the result.
REASON for biblical marriage
The marital relationship is a picture of the covenant between Christ and his Church, and its purpose is to put the gospel on display and bring Him glory.
Having a biblical marriage that accomplishes God’s purpose takes work. It requires:
- humility
- unconditional love
- loyalty
- sacrifice
- patience
- communication
- forgiveness
- prayer
Draw strength and grace from the Lord Jesus Christ. Apart from Him we can do nothing(John 15:5), but with Him we can do all things! (Phil.4:13) Look to the Lord to meet the deep needs of your soul and not your spouse.
A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace. ~ Darlene Schacht
ROLES in biblical marriage
To have a biblical marriage that puts the gospel on display and glorifies God, both spouses will need to know and live out their biblical role. These are found in Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-20, and Genesis 2:15-25.
The husband and wife are partners in ministry with distinct roles that complement each other. Share on X
The Husband’s role- leading and loving:
Throughout scripture, we can see that a biblical marriage has a specific chain of command. The husband is to be the leader of the home. He is the protector and provider of the family, and his responsibility is to shepherd his family.
To be a good shepherd he will need to learn from the Good Shepherd himself. (John 10:7-16) The Good Shepherd loves His sheep. The sheep know and listen to His voice, and follow His lead. He is so protective that He risks His life for His sheep. His eyes are always on them.
Patiently, carefully, humbly, and protectively, the husband shepherds his family as he looks to the Lord for direction. The family is to follow him as he follows Christ. As the leader of the home, he should be intentionally pointing them to obedience to the Lord by:
- Attending a Bible-believing and teaching church
- Serving in ministry
- Separating them from the world
- Growing in grace and the knowledge of the Lord
- Glorifying God
The husband’s responsibility to his wife is not just to lead her closer to Christ, but also to love her like Christ loves the Church. (Ephesians 5:25) That’s a sacrificial, unconditional, selfless, eternal love. A love that seeks nothing in return. It’s agape love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
The closer the husband is to Christ, the more he will look like Him, serve like Him, and love like Him.
The wife’s role in biblical marriage: a Help-meet
The wife is given to the husband by God to be a help-meet. This is a helper. She is to be by his side as his partner in ministry, serving him and supporting him, with reverence and love.
As the husband leads the home she follows. This doesn’t mean she’s not as important as the husband or that she has to be a doormat. But there is a clear structure of authority in the Bible, and distinct roles.
The wife is instructed by God to submit to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22, 24, Colossians 3:18, 1Peter 3:1) This means to keep rank, to put herself underneath his authority, to help him accomplish the mission God has given him.
With two heads of the home there is confusion, chaos, and contention. But when the wife lets the husband be the head, their family can function in the proper way, and represent a biblical marriage.
Consistent time with Jesus is absolutely necessary for a wife to reflect the love of Christ and fulfill her role and responsibilities with joy.
The wife also needs to cultivate a close friendship with her husband. He should be able to confide in her, and count on wise counsel from her, without condemnation or contention. (Proverbs 21:9, 19, Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 27:15) They should be best friends who are loyal and love each other fervently. (1Peter 1:22)
The RESULT of biblical marriage
When both spouses commit to obedience to their biblical roles and draw near to the Lord, their marriage will be a beautiful example of Christ and the Church. Husband and wife will operate as one flesh, with one mind, and one mission, and God will get the glory He deserves. Their marriage will display the gospel and draw others to Christ.
Ephesians 5:33~ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Pray With Confidence
One of the key elements of a godly marriage is prayer. Prayer keeps us dependent on God to supply us with grace and love to pour upon our spouse. We will continue to struggle even if we know the purpose and picture of marriage, if we are not diligent to cover it all in prayer. Anytime we attempt to accomplish something without prayer, we put ourselves at a disadvantage.
If you would like to grow in your prayer life, then I encourage you to check out Pray With Confidence. I am one of over 40 writers who provide articles on prayer, tough Bible questions, and so much more! Here are a couple of links I think will be a blessing to you:
2 Things to Remember to Find Peace in Chaos by Annie McGuire
Waiting on God? 10 Scriptures to Pray While Waiting by Karen O’Reilly, contributing writer at Scriptural Grace.
Resources
I have created a resource library with tools for spiritual growth. There are scripture lists for topical study and memorization, and more Bible study tools will be added regularly. Simply enter your email address and hit subscribe to get the link to the resource library and the password. You will also get my blog posts in your email, in addition to access to these Bible study tools.
If you are already subscribed to Daily His Disciple, just email me and I will send you the link and password.
Great post! I love what you said how a wife submits to her husband, and how it is to keep her safe. Thank you for sharing all of your wisdom 🙂
Key point: Its not about being happy its about glorifying God. Can you talk more about reverence though and what that looks like?
I LOVE this! Biblical marriage works and is so beautiful!
Praise the Lord! And yes it is. God knows what He’s doing!