In Titus 2:4, aged women are instructed to teach the younger women to love their children. Mothers generally have natural maternal instincts and affection for their children. But the love that the apostle Paul is speaking of here is “phileo”– friendship love marked by approval, attention, and appreciation. It’s the same love we are to have toward our husband it just works itself out in different ways.
Phileo is a love driven by the will, not a naturally occurring emotion. It’s a choice, one that shapes our children’s minds and has lifelong effects on them.
Biblical friendship love is loyal, loves at all times, inflicts faithful wounds by telling the truth, enforces boundaries, and gives wise counsel.
If you’re at a loss as to how to love your children, or how to teach other women to love their children, then this post is for you! Here are 6 simple ways to love your children, regardless of their age.
#1 Speak Truth to Your Children
Proverbs 27:6~ Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
True biblical friends tell each other the truth, so to love your children in the way God desires you to, you must speak the truth. Jesus tells us that God’s word is truth (John 17:17), and it’s that truth that makes us free (John 8:32). So when they ask hard questions, or make wrong decisions, choose to love them biblically by sharing what God says about that.
Truth hurts sometimes, but when covered by prayer, and spoken in love, with grace, it yields fruit that remains.
#2 Spend Time With Your Children
If you gave your child the 5 Love Languages Test, I bet their primary love language would be quality time. That’s because kids feel loved when they have the attention and affection of their parents. Spending quality time with them may be hard when you have a lot of kids and a busy schedule, but ask God to give you creative and cheap ways to spend time with each of them. Pinterest has some great options!
The season you’re in won’t last forever. Before you know it they’ll be all grown up, so show your love to your kids by making time for them now.
#3 Talk to Your Children
Every good relationship possesses good communication. Start when they’re young and ask good questions, really listen to their responses. Engage with them then, and they’ll be more likely to engage when they’re teenagers. Get to know their favorite things, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Let them know that you enjoy hearing their opinion and value those conversations.
Listen well and learn your children, as you endeavor to love your children. Talk to them about the Lord, the gospel, and their identity in Christ. If you don’t have these talks, they will be more inclined to listen to the lies that Satan whispers in their ears.
Psalm 78:4~ We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.
#4 Treasure Your Children
Psalm 127:3- Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Children need to know they’re valuable to us and to the Lord. If not, they’re going to be looking for that value in all the wrong places, heaping up heartache. They may find acceptance and approval in the wrong crowd, or affection in the arms of the wrong person.
Treasure your children as a blessing from the Lord, and be thankful for them. Cherish them as precious gifts from God. If you don’t feel this way about them now, ask the Lord to renew your mind, cleanse your heart, and anoint you with His Spirit that produces love. (Psalm 51:10, Galatians 5:16, 5:22-23)
#5 Train Your Children
Proverbs 22:6- Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
If you want to love your children, then you must train them how to follow Jesus. You can’t force them to believe in Christ and love Him with all their heart, but you can point them in the right direction. When you pray, praise, and passionately pursue Jesus, you train them to do the same.
Training requires consistency and commitment. Diligently and intentionally train your children in the way they should go, don’t give up, even if they go astray. Keep praying for them!
#6 Teach Your Children
Proverbs 9:10- The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.
It’s not the youth pastor or Sunday school teacher’s job to teach your children how to fear the Lord, it’s yours. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) Take that responsibility seriously. Instruct them in God’s character, love, His will, and His ways. You can love your children by obeying truth yourself, walking closely with Jesus, teaching them by example.
Teach your children how to pray, praise God, love others, to serve the Lord, and how to live for God’s glory.
Why we love our children
Being a parent is hard, and there are no guarantees that doing all the right things will produce godly children. We don’t love our children these 6 ways to get certain results, but to be obedient to the word of God.
Maybe you’ve made mistakes with your kids and feel like you didn’t parent them well. It’s never too late to start over and love your children. Begin with repentance, and ask for a refreshing of the Spirit to love them like Jesus does. Speak truth, spend time with them, talk to them, treasure, train, and teach them about the Lord. Your children will feel loved, will be better positioned to love God, and can follow your pattern of love with their own children someday.
Resource Library:
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Pray With Confidence
If you would like to grow in your prayer life, check out Pray with Confidence. It’s a website to help women overcome prayer obstacles, and I am one of the 30monthly contributors. Here are a couple of links I think will be a blessing to you:
2 Things to Remember to Find Peace in Chaos
19 Bible Verses that Reveal the Will of God
You will also want to check out the prayer resources, Bible verses, and tough questions tabs as well. There are so many great options to boost your spiritual growth!
More on Parenting:
Raising Godly Boys to be Devoted Disciples of Christ
What a great practical and concise list! I too fear that people will rely too much on the youth pastor’s one hour a week with them. There are too many messages going on daily to rely on that! I love your point about speaking truth. That’s been our priority lately to make sure we are reading Truth to them and hearing how they are processing things that are going on in life. So much can be misunderstood and the deceiver to their little souls is to blame. Thanks for focusing on this!
Praise the Lord, I’m glad it was a blessing to ya! 😊
So true that we are the ones that set the example to our children. Our actions show who Christ is in our lives and in their lives. I love that you mention we should talk to our children. I believe having a open communication with our children has been one of the best things my husband and I have done in parenting. Our children come to us more often than we go to them and we are very thankful to the Lord for that because we know He is the one that gives us discernment of how to speak to our children when we do and because of that, trust has been developed in certain areas.
Good communication is vital to every healthy relationship! It’s such a blessing to have that kind of relationship with your kids. Praise the Lord! 😊
Training children to love God and to know the difference between right and wrong in a world that is bombarding them with so much is so critical. I am trying to work with them daily on learning the Word of God, and I’ll be sure to try to do the things you mentioned here as much as possible. Thanks for this. #Salt&Light
Praise the Lord. Thank you for reading and commenting! Blessings to ya! 😊