I distinctly remember the shame I felt when the realization that I was a fool struck me. This isn’t something that is easy for me to share, because it’s contrary to my private nature. But to help women to walk in the wisdom of God’s word, I have to divulge how I obtained wisdom. So here is my story of how the wisdom from Proverbs revealed my own foolishness.
It was early on in my walk with Jesus, and by my standards, I was a great wife. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for my family, yet I was harboring bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart. I carried the baggage of the past around like a ton of bricks, constantly pointed out my husband’s flaws, and nagged him incessantly.
At the time, I didn’t have a sober mind or a submissive will, so I dug in my heels and set myself against my husband as public enemy number one.
Painful as it was, allowing the Lord to reveal my true character according to his word was necessary to my spiritual maturity.
Proverbs 12:4~ A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Wisdom from Proverbs
The Lord placed a deep desire within me to be a godly woman, but I had no idea what that meant, so I studied it out. I learned the role and responsibilities of a wife in Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, and the character of a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. God gave me wisdom from Proverbs contrasting the wise and the foolish woman.
The result of that time mining the scriptures was a broken and contrite heart, and pride crushed to the point of repentance. The scriptures wrecked me.
Proverbs 2:6~ For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
The Wise Woman:
Virtuous~ Proverbs 31:10-31. (Read it!)
The wise woman is virtuous because she fears the Lord. It’s the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7) Her relationship with God fills her up and gives her the strength, honor, and ability to minister so well.
The verses that really convicted me were 11-12~ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
I was definitely not loving my husband well, or doing him good, because I was consumed with my rights and my feelings.
Edifying~ Proverbs 14:1~ Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Piece by piece I tore down my marriage with my foolish behavior. Instead of being thankful, and praising the things he did well, I pointed out all the things my husband didn’t do.
I wasn’t shy about voicing my discontentment. I thought that if I didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t know, and nothing would change.
Then I started reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian, and my mindset toward my husband began to change. When you pray for someone your heart softens toward them, and this book helped me to love my husband better and build up my house. I learned to take everything to God in prayer, and wait for Him to work.
The Foolish Woman:
Clamorous~ Proverbs 9:13~ A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
I had to admit that I was a trying and tumultuous woman, and I didn’t know it all. That one hurt because I like to know what I’m talking about. I like to be right, and honestly, before I studied this all out I was oblivious to my foolishness and thought I was right. I justified my attitude and actions based on my husband’s behavior.
Contentious~ Proverbs 21:9~ It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. v.19~It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
I was an angry and argumentative woman because I was controlling, and didn’t yet trust my husband’s leadership. The Lord showed me that I lacked faith in His ability to lead our family, take care of our needs, and mold us into Christ-like servants.
It was a heart problem and a faith issue.
Continual Dropping~ Proverbs 19:13~ A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. Proverbs 27:15~ A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
The incessant nagging grated on my husband’s nerves like a leaky roof dripping into a bucket below. It never accomplished a thing. It just provoked his pride and made him defiant to do anything I asked.
Glory to God
Proverbs 16:32~ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Faced with the reality of my sinful condition I repented, and began to love my husband biblically. The Lord taught me how to be sober minded, and have a submissive spirit, so my husband could lead as God intended.
My husband is now a godly man who loves Jesus and preaches God’s word. He’s faithful, he’s a family man, he’s a really hard worker, and he loves me like Jesus does. He wasn’t changed by my nagging, but through the miracle working power of the Holy Spirit of God.
Now I have the husband I prayed for, and all glory goes to God alone!
Can you relate?
How about you? Are you a sober, submissive, Spirit-filled wife, or do you struggle with foolishness too? Think about your communication with your husband this week. Were you angry, controlling, and defensive, or calm, content, and patient? Do you have a bad habit of nagging instead of praying?
If you’re not sure which side of the foolish/wise fence you stand, pray about it. God will reveal your true heart condition, just like he did for me, not to condemn you, but to correct you and conform you to Christlikeness.
More Like This:
The Importance of a Sober Mind for Spiritual Stability
3 Basics for a Biblical Marriage: Reason, Roles, Result
7 Truths That Can Transform Your Marriage
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19 Bible Verses that Reveal the Will of God
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Great post! I’ve been going through the book of Proverbs with a Facebook Group, and we all have been hit hard with how easy it is to be a fool. But just humbly admitting your foolishness and desiring to gain wisdom already pulls you out of the true “fool” stage; because fools are proud, they don’t think they have anything to learn. Humility is the key!
Yes! Humility is essential for all areas of spiritual growth. We have to be willing to die to self and allow the Lord to conform us to the image of Christ. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it! Blessings to ya! 🙂
I remember before I was married, one of my closest friends told me of some thoughtless and careless actions on her husbands part. I asked her what she did (thinking that she should give him a piece of her mind) and she told me that she prayed for him. I asked her if she planned to say anything to him because it was clearly bothering her. She told me that her plan is to pray for her husband and do her part as his wife because only God could change a man, but her responsibility was to respect her husband and let God do the rest. I thought this was the best advice that I have ever received about marriage and practice the same in mine. This post was a great reminder!
Great advice! She was absolutely right. God is truly the only one who can change a husband. It’s in the process of praying, trusting and obeying God, that the wife is changed as well. Blessings to ya! 🙂
Oh man. Right in the conviction zone! This is such a powerful breakdown of these key scriptures in Proverbs! I love Proverbs but often times shy away from it’s convictions. “Do you have a control problem?”>>> Yep. This is my “working on it” part of life. It’s worst when my Husband is involved. Which is completely backwards. He’s my helpmate and my best friend… seriously, what’s my problem?! Thank you for this powerful word! You are not alone…. you have really got me reflecting on myself! <3
Praise the Lord! I’m so glad it was a blessing to ya! One of the things that helped me stop being such a control freak was realizing that God is ultimately in control. He is sovereign, he sees, hears, knows, answers, and works all things out for good. His ways, thoughts, and timing- all so much better than mine. It all boils down to am I going to lay down my pride, believe the word and obey it? Will I walk by faith and in wisdom, or will I focus on what I see and remain foolish? The Lord laid those questions on my heart years ago and has been refining me into a wise woman since I surrendered my will to his. Our marriage and ministry glorifies God today because we both made that choice to humble ourselves and obey his word. Praise Jesus! 🙂
This is all so good..I know the feeling my friend..I still remember when I finally communicated forgiveness to him after years of holding him hostage..the weight I saw fall from his body was heart breaking and restoring all at the same time..great article!
Yes! Forgiveness brings freedom and sets us on the path to fruitfulness as a redeemed couple. I’m so thankful for the grace of God and his transforming power! 🙂
I am a complete planner, and my husband is this crazy, spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. It’s never become a huge issue, but there have been times that has been a real struggle for me. It’s sometimes difficult to trust him when he just jumps right into something without researching it or anything. He doesn’t even pack his clothes until five minutes before we’re leaving for a trip, but I just have to let him be who he is. It’s funny how we’ve both moved more to the middle the longer we are married. I only packed two days before our last trip, and he kept asking if there was something wrong with me because my stuff wasn’t packed. LOL.
🙂 One of the main things the Lord was teaching me was to stop trying to fix my husband and lavish him with the same love, grace,and mercy that God pours out on me. I wasn’t being anything like Jesus and that needed to change. And it did, all glory to God alone! Phil.1:6. 🙂
Wowza! Can I ever relate!
The lack of trust in his leadership, the need for control, my inability to trust GOD to lead our family…yep, yep and yep!
The Lord had also had to tell me a time or two to do my “complaining” in the war room. Prayer is essential! It’s where the real change takes place. (Often in me)
I, too, LOVE Stormy Omartan’s Praying for your Hisband book! Actually I have several of her prayer books, and have used them often.
The Lord has taught me many of the same lessons- some of them, more than a few times. (I’m a slow learner) 😉
This was a great article! Very convicting.
I actually like the idea of a tshirt that reads, “I’m a fool” on it. Well, maybe something a little more catchy, but you get the idea. Who knows- it could lead to some really interesting opportunities to share about what it means to be a fool, and the lessons learned therein!
Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent! A much-needed quality today!
Blessings!
All glory to God for it all! He definitely knows what we need, when, and how we need it. He’s such a Good Father! I’m so thankful he loves me too much to let me continue in sin patterns, but reveals the problem and provides the solution as well. I’m glad this was a blessing to ya, thanks for reading and responding! 🙂
Beautifully written and a great reminder of how our behavior affects others. A while back I had begun to nag my son like that and was having trouble not being on him all the time. I felt awful and he did too being reminded of his short comings. We went through this for about two weeks before I was prayerfully able to stop and focus on what he is getting right!
Wonderful post!
Praise the Lord! The chastening of the Lord is humbling and hard to handle sometimes, but obedience brings healing of relationships. I’m so thankful for his correction! Thanks for reading and sharing how the Lord has worked in your life in this area, you’re a blessing. 🙂
What a great post! You share valuable insights into the wisdom from Proverbs, and your last comment hits the nail on the head: A crown or a cancer… you choose.
Proverbs is full of great wisdom, I love it! Thanks for reading, and for the feedback, I appreciate it! 🙂
This is so good and I felt the Lord confirming his convictions as I read your words. Thanks for letting the Lord use you!
Praise the Lord! Transparency is sometimes painful but it’s profitable for the kingdom,so it’s totally worth it. Thanks for reading!
Wonderful post! I love the insights you share and the fact that your husband was changed “without a word’ except to God in prayer!
It took me awhile to get it, but I finally just surrendered him to the Lord. His word is true and so powerful! I had to believe it, apply it, and not put any conditions on my obedience. God is so gracious and patient and truly amazing!!
AMEN AMEN AMEN AND AMEN AGAIN –