Learning to Be a Discreet Woman

In Titus 2:3-5, we get the biblical mandate for discipleship among women. Among other things, the older women are to teach the younger how to be discreet. A discreet woman is self-controlled, careful and circumspect, prudent, and inconspicuous.

I found that last synonym for discreet to be interesting because Paul says in Titus 2:1 “speak thou the things which become sound doctrine”. The word “become” in that verse means to be conspicuous, or stand out. In other words, sound doctrine should be prominent, not us.

A woman without discretion draws attention to herself, but a discreet woman points people to the gospel. She makes the truth of scripture stand out instead of her own opinions on matters. Share on X

 

There are 3 key areas to be discreet in – Speech, Dress, and the Flesh.

Be Discreet in Your Speech

The discreet woman knows when to speak the truth in love, and when to stay quiet and just listen. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there’s a time to keep silent, and a time to speak, and the discreet woman will know the difference. We need to use discretion in every conversation we have.

A discreet woman will prayerfully consider the right timing and follow the Spirit’s leading when giving counsel.

Examples of Women Without Discretion:

1. The know-it-all- She’s been there, done that, fixed that, got that, learned that, or knows someone who has. There’s not a topic that she can’t pipe in on.

God delights in a teachable spirit, not a know-it-all spirit. We have to be teachable in order to keep growing. We need to be humble to be discreet.

2. The opinionated woman– She’s quick to share her opinions and advice. I know a woman who is very headstrong and very outspoken about politics and women’s rights. She thinks her opinion is the only one that matters. You dare not enter a conversation with her because you’re asking for a heated debate if you disagree.

Discretion is being moderate as to our opinions and passions. If we think or feel strongly about a matter, we don’t necessarily share those thoughts or feelings. 

3. The tell-it-all woman- She spills every detail of her life, or she can be a gossiper and share everything she knows of everyone else’s life.

In the heart of all of these women is pride. They want to be seen as mature and intelligent, confident and capable, someone who can handle anything; is known and understood, and “in the know”. God hates pride. (Proverbs 8:13)

Think before you speak

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the topic of having self-control with our tongues. Proverbs 29:11, Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 11:13, and Proverbs 18:8 are all great verses to memorize to help us be discreet.

When my youngest was little and said things he shouldn’t, I told him his mouth was for glorifying God and kissing his momma. That helped him to be more filtered and speak words that were kind, helpful, or necessary.

Make sure your speech fits its divine purpose to glorify God, teach sound doctrine, and encourage others.. Share on X

 

 

 

Be Discreet in the way you dress

If we want to be discreet women, then we shouldn’t wear clothes that draw attention to our bodies. Just because we can wear those tight clothes or low-cut tops doesn’t mean that we should.

Men are visual creatures and when women dress to get attention, purposefully or subconsciously, they’re going to get that attention. They could cause the men in the church to be distracted, drawn away from their own wives, and carried away with their imaginations.

Some women say “Men should have better self-control. I like dressing sexy. He should keep his eyes to himself. I’m not changing how I dress, modesty is old-fashioned and outdated.” That thinking is flawed, immature, and prideful.

We should always be conscious of how our life affects others.

Christian love looks out for its brothers and sisters and helps to keep them from stumbling.

A discreet woman doesn’t seek attention. She dresses modestly.

Romans 14:13 KJV ~ Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.

Inner Adornment

1Timothy 2:9-10 says that women should wear modest apparel, be reverent and sober, and adorned with good works. 1Peter 3-4 echoes that. Christian women should focus on inner adornment, and cultivate a meek and quiet spirit- humble and at peace.

Society today will tell you, “if you got it, flaunt it!” But believers are called to make the gospel stand out, not our bodies. To be discreet, we need to go against the grain and be intentional to keep a clean heart and a clear mind.

 

 

A Discreet Woman Disciplines Her Flesh

Without discretion, we overeat, overspend, overrule, over-exaggerate, oversleep, and overwork. We give in to every whim of the flesh. But a discreet woman disciplines her flesh and walks in the Spirit.

Proverbs 27:20 says that Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied. Our flesh is never satisfied, give it an inch, and it’ll take a mile.

Like Eve in the garden, she saw all the provision of paradise but fell to the temptation to overstep the bounds of God’s word. She had a longing to know more, have more, and be more. But instead of resting on truth and finding fulfillment in her relationship with God, she consumed the forbidden and brought the world down with her.

A discreet woman has learned to be self-controlled and satisfied with what the Lord says she can know, have, and be because He is her authority.

Be Discreet by Walking in the Spirit

Being discreet is practicing Paul’s words in 1Corinthians 6:12 and 1Corinthians 10:23. A discreet woman has a sober mind that agrees with Paul that she will not be brought under the power of anything.

We need to be intentional to walk in the Spirit because that’s where our power to be discreet comes from. If you feel you’re not a discreet woman:

• Fellowship with Christ in prayer and Bible study.
• Obey the scriptures.
• Filter your thoughts through the Bible and be sober-minded.
• Memorize a verse that applies to your personal lack of discretion.
• Meditate on it and speak it when you’re tempted to say something you shouldn’t, wear something inappropriate, or give in to the lusts of your flesh.
• Feed your Spirit with praise music and sermons.
• Keep yourself surrounded by mature women who will keep you accountable, and who set a godly example for you.

 

We Need Discreet Women

God is looking for discreet and wise women who make a difference in His kingdom. He wants us to be fruitful and faithful followers of Christ who reproduce godly disciples.

Being discreet requires intentionality, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and investing truth in our heads and hearts. 

A discreet woman is discerning, disciplined over her flesh, diverting attention from herself, and determined to put the gospel on display.

This world desperately needs more discreet women, so let’s be intentional to walk in the Spirit, be sober-minded, and apply the scriptures to our lives!

Proverbs 11:22 KJV ~ As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

Related to Being a Discreet Woman:

What is a Virtuous Woman?

How to Be a Prudent Woman

What is a Prudent Woman?

5 Marks of a Warrior Woman ~ Get battle ready!

A Woman of the World or a Woman of the Word?

 

Pray With Confidence

Prayer is key to becoming a discreet woman. If you would like to grow in your prayer life, then check out Pray with Confidence.  It’s a website for helping women overcome prayer obstacles, and I am one of the regular contributors. Here are some links I think will be a blessing to you:

How to Hear God’s Voice

When Your Prayer for Pain Relief Goes Unanswered

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

3 Short Prayers for Spiritual Stability

You also want to check out the prayer resources, Bible verses, and tough questions tabs. There are many great options to boost your spiritual growth!