A Helper Under His Headship: Obedient to Their Husbands

The last item on the list in Titus 2:5 for the aged women to teach the younger women is how to be obedient to their husbands. This is a topic that ruffles feathers. It makes a lot of women defensive because to them, submission is being a doormat. But that’s not at all the case. Biblical submission is about being a humble helper under the headship of your husband.

 

We All Submit to Someone

We all submit to someone, whether that’s a boss, teacher, or the government.

Satan wants women to believe the lies that with submission comes inferiority, invisibility, and insignificance. But the truth of scripture is that obedience brings happiness (John 13:17), and proves our love (John 14:15).

That’s why it’s so important for us to be sober-minded, to walk in the Spirit, and to teach younger women sound doctrine.

Colossians 3:18 KJV ~ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

What is a Help Meet for the Husband?

In Genesis 1:27-28, God told Adam to be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, and subdue it. He gave him a mission to accomplish, but he couldn’t do that alone, so God made Eve a help, meet (or suitable) for Adam. (I used to put those two words together and describe the wife as help-meet, because that’s how I was taught. But it turns out ‘meet’ in that verse isn’t part of her title, it means she is fit for him.) 

Genesis 2:18 KJV ~ And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

God made the wife to be a helper, someone who brings relief, stands by, supports, and surrounds her husband. He perfectly designed her to be a partner, and a help, not a hindrance, to her husband. God also uses this role of helper to grow us in godliness, humility, and selfless service, as we submit to our husbands.

God is a Helper Too!

The Hebrew word for ‘help’ found in Genesis 1 is ‘ezer’, meaning someone who comes to the aid of someone else. It is used to describe God several times in the Old Testament. Here are some verses:

• Psalm 33:20 KJV – Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield.
• Psalm 70:5 KJV – But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O LORD, make no tarrying.
• Psalm 115:11 KJV – Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
• Psalm 121:1-2 KJV – I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
  Psalm 124:8 KJV – Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

So those who find the label ‘helper’ as demeaning or somehow less important than the one they help should reconsider their assessment. God isn’t ashamed to refer to himself as a help. He delights in helping his people and desires them to turn to Him for assistance.

 

What is Headship?

The marriage covenant is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. (Ephesians 5:22-33) The wife is to be obedient to her husband, to line up under his leadership, just like the Church submits to Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:3 KJV ~ But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Headship is the position of responsibility to provide, protect, lead, and guide those underneath his authority.

Even within the Godhead, there is a structure of authority. Jesus, though equal to God, humbled himself, and submitted to the will of the Father. The Holy Spirit, also God, moves and works based on the direction of the Father and the Son. They are all equally God but with different roles.

God created the husband and wife equally, with equal opportunity for salvation. He equally loves them and gives both the same purpose to glorify Him, just with different roles and responsibilities.

Women Need Humility to Be Obedient to Their Husbands

There are several reasons that it is difficult for women to be obedient to their husbands. A misunderstanding of submission, the influence of feminism, and the abuse of women are just a few. Another reason is pride.

Jesus exemplified humility for all of us. Here are two instances which Jesus obeyed his earthly authorities:

• Luke 2:40-52 – When his mom came looking for him and found him about his father’s business, instead of exerting his own will, the Bible says he was subject to them. “Subject to” means that Jesus kept rank underneath the delegated authority of his earthly parents. It may have seemed so beneath him to have to go home and do chores or learn carpentry with Joseph. But Jesus modeled humility and obeyed the fifth commandment to honor his parents, anyway.
• Hebrews 5:7-9, and Hebrews 12:1-2 – Jesus knew there was a reward for his obedience and willingly humbled himself for the good of others and the glory of God.

If Jesus could do it, and his Spirit lives inside of us as believers, can’t we do the same? With humility, help from the Spirit, and a healthy fear of the Lord, we can. Share on X

Ephesians 5:22 KJV ~ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

 

Women Need Faith to Be Obedient to Their Husbands.

Sometimes women refuse to submit to their husbands because they don’t trust them to lead them in the right direction. I think that’s especially true if their husband is not a Christian. (1 Peter 3:1-6 addresses that issue.)

It’s tempting to withhold submission until our husbands get their act together and start loving us like Christ. But that’s not how God works. He wants us to take the first step and fulfill our role and trust Him to help our husband to fulfill his role.

We have to trust that the same God who sought us, saved us, and sanctifies us, will do the same for our husbands. Share on X

Every time we dishonor our husbands and do our own thing, we blaspheme the word of God and distort the picture of marriage. We can turn that around by choosing to be a humble helper under the headship of our husbands through the help of the Holy Spirit.

Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV – Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Discipling Young Women to Be Obedient to Their Husbands

Titus 2:3-5 gives us the command and curriculum for discipleship among women. This list of qualities and conduct of a godly woman are all learned. They don’t come naturally to most women. The younger women will look to the more mature woman to not only verbally teach her the scriptures, but also give her a living illustration of those truths.

Women desperately need godly women to follow. I pray that we all take our role as helpers seriously, and submit to our husbands, so other women can know the protection and provision that comes from being obedient to their husbands as well.

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For More Articles on Biblical Marriage:

11 Prayers for Unity in Your Marriage

7 Truths That Can Transform Your Marriage

3 Basics for a Biblical Marriage: Reason, Roles, Result

The Bridegroom Beckons His Bride: Seeing Jesus in the ancient Jewish wedding customs

For More Articles on Titus 2:3-5:

9 Characteristics of a Teacher of Good Things

More than a Maid: Defining a “Keeper at Home”

Women Teaching Women: Be an Example in Discipleship

What the Bible Says About Being Sober-Minded

Teaching the Young Women to “Be Good”

Books About Titus 2 Living:

Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets them Free by Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth

Adorned: Living out the beauty of the gospel together. By Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth

True Woman 101: Divine Design- and 8 wk study on Biblical Womanhood, and True Woman 201: Interior Design, 10 elements of Biblical Womanhood by Mary A. Kassian, and Nancy Leigh Demoss

A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George

Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Martha Peace

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Pray With Confidence

Prayer helps us to be obedient to our husbands. If you would like to grow in your prayer life, then check out Pray with Confidence. It’s a website for helping women overcome prayer obstacles, and I am one of the regular contributors. Here are some links I think will be a blessing to you:

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

3 Short Prayers for Spiritual Stability

Check out the prayer resources, Bible verses, and tough questions tabs as well. There are many great options for your spiritual growth!