Wisdom from the Proverbs
I distinctly remember the shame I felt when the realization struck me, and I had to honestly and humbly admit- I’m a fool. To spill the beans on this is contrary to my natural tendency to conceal and deal privately with the Lord on the issues of my heart. But in order to help women to walk in the wisdom of God’s word daily, I have to divulge how I obtained wisdom in various areas of my life.
It was early on in my walk with Jesus. By my standards I was a great wife. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for my family. Yet I was harboring bitterness and unforgiveness. Carrying the baggage of the past around like a ton of bricks, constantly pointing out my husband’s flaws, and nagging him to be a Christ-like husband and father.
Without a sober mind or a submissive will, I dug in my heels and set myself in array against my husband as public enemy number one.
I was so self-deceived.
Painful as it was, allowing the Lord to reveal my true character according to his word was necessary to my spiritual maturity, and the strength of my marriage.
The Lord had placed a deep desire within me to be a godly woman, but I had no idea what that meant, so I began to study it out. Popping off the page were the role and responsibilities of a wife in Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, and the character and conduct of the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31. God started to highlight key verses contrasting the wise and the foolish, unveiling a godly woman as a wise woman.
~Proverbs 2:6~ For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
The result of that time mining the scriptures was a broken and contrite heart, and my pride was crushed to the point of repentance.
The Wise Woman:
Virtuous~ Proverbs 31:10-31. Her virtue originates from her fear of the Lord, and it’s the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7) It’s her relationship with God that fills her up and gives her the strength, honor, and ability to minister so well. The verses that really convicted me were 11-12~ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Consumed with myself, I was definitely not loving my husband well, or doing him good. How about you?
- Can you say that you do your husband good and not evil?
- Would your husband agree?
Edifying~ Proverbs 14:1~ Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Piece by piece my marriage and family was being further destroyed by my foolish behavior. Instead of pointing out the things my husband was doing well, and being thankful, I focused on the things that he didn’t do. I wasn’t shy about voicing my discontentment. My thinking was that if I didn’t tell him, how would he know, and how would anything change?
What the Lord taught me was that all I really needed to do was pray, and leave my husband in God’s hands. I started reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian, and my mindset toward him began to change. The more you pray for someone the more you love them, and this book definitely helped me to love my husband better and build my house. It’s a must read!
- Do you regularly pray for your husband?
The Foolish Woman:
Clamorous~ Proverbs 9:13~ A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. Ouch. I had to admit that I was a trying and tumultuous woman, and I didn’t know it all. That one hurt because I like to know what I’m talking about. I like to be right, and honestly, before I studied this all out I was oblivious to my foolishness and thought I was right. I justified my attitude and actions based on my husband’s behavior.
- Does drama seem to follow you wherever you go?
- Are you the kind of woman who’s always in an uproar about one thing or another?
- Have you decided that you’ll be a virtuous wife when he starts being a godly husband?
Contentious~ Proverbs 21:9~ It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. 19~It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 25:24~ It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. Lack of trust in his leadership, and my need for control made me an angry and argumentative woman. The Lord showed me that I was really lacking faith in His ability to lead our family, take care of our every need, and mold both of us into Christ-like servants. It was a heart problem and a faith issue.
Continual Dropping~ Proverbs 19:13~ A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. Proverbs 27:15-16~ A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself. The incessant nagging grated on my husband’s nerves like a leaky roof dripping into a bucket below. It never accomplished a thing. It just provoked his pride and made him defiant to do anything I asked.
- Do you have a control problem?
- Are you angry and argumentative?
- Do you nag your husband?
~Proverbs 16:32~ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Faced with the reality of my sinful condition I confessed, repented, and purposed to love my husband biblically- with a sober mind and submissive spirit, allowing him to lead our family, and cultivating love and peace in his heart and our home.
My husband is now a godly man who loves Jesus, and preaching God’s word. He’s faithful, he’s a family man, he’s a really hard worker, and he loves me like Jesus does. He’s got his role and responsibilities down, and has for several years. He wasn’t changed by my nagging.
It was the power of the Holy Spirit, through the word of God, spending time with godly men, and going to marriage retreats together that transformed him. I have the husband I prayed for. And all glory goes to God alone!
While I don’t see “I’m a fool!” on the bios of any women these days, and I doubt it’ll make it on a t-shirt, the truth is written on their heart, and worn in their attitude and actions.
~Proverbs 12:4~ A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
A crown or a cancer… you choose.