“I’m a Fool!” Wisdom from Proverbs

Wisdom from the Proverbs

I distinctly remember the shame I felt when the realization struck me, and I had to honestly and humbly admit- I’m a fool. To spill the beans on this is contrary to my natural tendency to conceal and deal privately with the Lord on the issues of my heart.  But in order to help women to walk in the wisdom of God’s word daily, I have to divulge how I obtained wisdom in various areas of my life.

It was early on in my walk with Jesus.  By my standards I was a great wife. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for my family.  Yet I was harboring bitterness and unforgiveness. Carrying the baggage of the past around like a ton of bricks, constantly pointing out my husband’s flaws, and nagging him to be a Christ-like husband and father.  

Without a sober mind or a submissive will, I dug in my heels and set myself in array against my husband as public enemy number one.

I was so self-deceived.

Painful as it was, allowing the Lord to reveal my true character according to his word was necessary to my spiritual maturity, and the strength of my marriage.  

The Lord had placed a deep desire within me to be a godly woman, but I had no idea what that meant, so I began to study it out.  Popping off the page were the role and responsibilities of a wife in Ephesians 5 and Titus 2, and the character and conduct of the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31.  God started to highlight key verses contrasting the wise and the foolish, unveiling a godly woman as a wise woman.

~Proverbs 2:6~ For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

The result of that time mining the scriptures was a broken and contrite heart, and my pride was crushed to the point of repentance.

The Wise Woman:

Virtuous~ Proverbs 31:10-31.  Her virtue originates from her fear of the Lord, and it’s the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7) It’s her relationship with God that fills her up and gives her the strength, honor, and ability to minister so well.  The verses that really convicted me were 11-12~ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Consumed with myself, I was definitely not loving my husband well, or doing him good. How about you?

  • Can you say that you do your husband good and not evil? 
  • Would your husband agree?

EdifyingProverbs 14:1~ Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.  Piece by piece my marriage and family was being further destroyed by my foolish behavior. Instead of pointing out the things my husband was doing well, and being thankful, I focused on the things that he didn’t do.  I wasn’t shy about voicing my discontentment.  My thinking was that if I didn’t tell him, how would he know, and how would anything change? 

What the Lord taught me was that all I really needed to do was pray, and leave my husband in God’s hands.  I started reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian, and my mindset toward him began to change.  The more you pray for someone the more you love them, and this book definitely helped me to love my husband better and build my house.  It’s a must read!

  • Do you regularly pray for your husband?

The Foolish Woman:

Clamorous~ Proverbs 9:13~ A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.  Ouch.  I had to admit that I was a trying and tumultuous woman, and I didn’t know it all.  That one hurt because I like to know what I’m talking about.  I like to be right, and honestly, before I studied this all out I was oblivious to my foolishness and thought I was right.  I justified my attitude and actions based on my husband’s behavior.  

  • Does drama seem to follow you wherever you go?
  • Are you the kind of woman who’s always in an uproar about one thing or another?
  • Have you decided that you’ll be a virtuous wife when he starts being a godly husband?

Contentious~ Proverbs 21:9~ It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. 19~It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 25:24~ It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.  Lack of trust in his leadership, and my need for control made me an angry and argumentative woman. The Lord showed me that I was really lacking faith in His ability to lead our family, take care of our every need, and mold both of us into Christ-like servants.  It was a heart problem and a faith issue.

Continual DroppingProverbs 19:13~ A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.  Proverbs 27:15-16~ A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.   The incessant nagging grated on my husband’s nerves like a leaky roof dripping into a bucket below. It never accomplished a thing.  It just provoked his pride and made him defiant to do anything I asked.  

  • Do you have a control problem?
  • Are you angry and argumentative?
  • Do you nag your husband? 

~Proverbs 16:32~ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

Faced with the reality of my sinful condition I confessed, repented, and purposed to love my husband biblically- with a sober mind and submissive spirit, allowing him to lead our family, and cultivating love and peace in his heart and our home.

My husband is now a godly man who loves Jesus, and preaching God’s word.  He’s faithful, he’s a family man, he’s a really hard worker, and he loves me like Jesus does.  He’s got his role and responsibilities down, and has for several years.  He wasn’t changed by my nagging.

It was the power of the Holy Spirit, through the word of God, spending time with godly men, and going to marriage retreats together that transformed him.  I have the husband I prayed for.  And all glory goes to God alone!

While I don’t see “I’m a fool!” on the bios of any women these days, and I doubt it’ll make it on a t-shirt, the truth is written on their heart, and worn in their attitude and actions.

~Proverbs 12:4~ A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

A crown or a cancer… you choose.

 

19 thoughts on ““I’m a Fool!” Wisdom from Proverbs

  1. I remember before I was married, one of my closest friends told me of some thoughtless and careless actions on her husbands part. I asked her what she did (thinking that she should give him a piece of her mind) and she told me that she prayed for him. I asked her if she planned to say anything to him because it was clearly bothering her. She told me that her plan is to pray for her husband and do her part as his wife because only God could change a man, but her responsibility was to respect her husband and let God do the rest. I thought this was the best advice that I have ever received about marriage and practice the same in mine. This post was a great reminder!

    1. Great advice! She was absolutely right. God is truly the only one who can change a husband. It’s in the process of praying, trusting and obeying God, that the wife is changed as well. Blessings to ya! 🙂

  2. Oh man. Right in the conviction zone! This is such a powerful breakdown of these key scriptures in Proverbs! I love Proverbs but often times shy away from it’s convictions. “Do you have a control problem?”>>> Yep. This is my “working on it” part of life. It’s worst when my Husband is involved. Which is completely backwards. He’s my helpmate and my best friend… seriously, what’s my problem?! Thank you for this powerful word! You are not alone…. you have really got me reflecting on myself! <3

    1. Praise the Lord! I’m so glad it was a blessing to ya! One of the things that helped me stop being such a control freak was realizing that God is ultimately in control. He is sovereign, he sees, hears, knows, answers, and works all things out for good. His ways, thoughts, and timing- all so much better than mine. It all boils down to am I going to lay down my pride, believe the word and obey it? Will I walk by faith and in wisdom, or will I focus on what I see and remain foolish? The Lord laid those questions on my heart years ago and has been refining me into a wise woman since I surrendered my will to his. Our marriage and ministry glorifies God today because we both made that choice to humble ourselves and obey his word. Praise Jesus! 🙂

  3. This is all so good..I know the feeling my friend..I still remember when I finally communicated forgiveness to him after years of holding him hostage..the weight I saw fall from his body was heart breaking and restoring all at the same time..great article!

    1. Yes! Forgiveness brings freedom and sets us on the path to fruitfulness as a redeemed couple. I’m so thankful for the grace of God and his transforming power! 🙂

  4. I am a complete planner, and my husband is this crazy, spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. It’s never become a huge issue, but there have been times that has been a real struggle for me. It’s sometimes difficult to trust him when he just jumps right into something without researching it or anything. He doesn’t even pack his clothes until five minutes before we’re leaving for a trip, but I just have to let him be who he is. It’s funny how we’ve both moved more to the middle the longer we are married. I only packed two days before our last trip, and he kept asking if there was something wrong with me because my stuff wasn’t packed. LOL.

    1. 🙂 One of the main things the Lord was teaching me was to stop trying to fix my husband and lavish him with the same love, grace,and mercy that God pours out on me. I wasn’t being anything like Jesus and that needed to change. And it did, all glory to God alone! Phil.1:6. 🙂

  5. Wowza! Can I ever relate!
    The lack of trust in his leadership, the need for control, my inability to trust GOD to lead our family…yep, yep and yep!

    The Lord had also had to tell me a time or two to do my “complaining” in the war room. Prayer is essential! It’s where the real change takes place. (Often in me)

    I, too, LOVE Stormy Omartan’s Praying for your Hisband book! Actually I have several of her prayer books, and have used them often.

    The Lord has taught me many of the same lessons- some of them, more than a few times. (I’m a slow learner) 😉

    This was a great article! Very convicting.

    I actually like the idea of a tshirt that reads, “I’m a fool” on it. Well, maybe something a little more catchy, but you get the idea. Who knows- it could lead to some really interesting opportunities to share about what it means to be a fool, and the lessons learned therein!

    Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent! A much-needed quality today!

    Blessings!

    1. All glory to God for it all! He definitely knows what we need, when, and how we need it. He’s such a Good Father! I’m so thankful he loves me too much to let me continue in sin patterns, but reveals the problem and provides the solution as well. I’m glad this was a blessing to ya, thanks for reading and responding! 🙂

  6. Beautifully written and a great reminder of how our behavior affects others. A while back I had begun to nag my son like that and was having trouble not being on him all the time. I felt awful and he did too being reminded of his short comings. We went through this for about two weeks before I was prayerfully able to stop and focus on what he is getting right!
    Wonderful post!

    1. Praise the Lord! The chastening of the Lord is humbling and hard to handle sometimes, but obedience brings healing of relationships. I’m so thankful for his correction! Thanks for reading and sharing how the Lord has worked in your life in this area, you’re a blessing. 🙂

  7. What a great post! You share valuable insights into the wisdom from Proverbs, and your last comment hits the nail on the head: A crown or a cancer… you choose.

    1. It took me awhile to get it, but I finally just surrendered him to the Lord. His word is true and so powerful! I had to believe it, apply it, and not put any conditions on my obedience. God is so gracious and patient and truly amazing!!

I'd love to hear from ya on this!

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